The price of War
by Thikit
Summary: Draco and Ginny try to overcome the price war has taken. Songfic- yea I know...couldn't resist though-to Kelly Clarkson's Beautiful Disaster.


**Ok, I know songfics aren't too...um...popular? but when i heard this song it just popped into my head! So forgive me...hehe**

**Disclaimer: Not mine! The characters are J.K Rowlings and the song is Kelly Clarksons! Now on with the story!**

Draco trailed his fingers along the curve of her hips wishing the moment would never end. She was lying on her side, her hand and elbow propping up her head, her eyes searching his face for a sign of what he was thinking. He was calm and composed, just like he used to be before the war. He had small permanent worry line creasing his forehead where the terrors had taken its toll. She marveled at his grace and beauty, the soft blonde locks falling into his steel eyes, the sharp incline of his nose, the thin line of pink lips and the high arch of his cheekbones, like small hills poking their heads above a snowy plane.

"Run away with me." He said his eyes silently pleading with hers. Every night he asked the same thing only to receive the same firm answer.

"You know I can't, Draco. I can't desert everyone in the middle of the war, they need as many healers as they can get."

"I know you love me, Ginny," he continued even though he heard her sharp intake of breath, they had never said those word before, they were almost forbidden, "sometimes don't you just want to leave and never look back? To be free from the hurt and torment, to make a life for yourself. You've been like a machine since your brother's death, I never see you smile anymore and you hardly sleep." He said tracing the purplish-blue shadows under her once bright brown eyes.

"I know, Draco. It's easier for you to just pack everything up and leave. It would probably be better if you did since they're still looking for you. Plus, you haven't been sleeping any better than I have." He knew it was the truth, ever since he killed Lucius Malfoy his slumber had been plagued by nightmares. The Deatheaters called him a traitor and the Order calling him a spy, he had no where to turn except to Ginny.

Seeming to sense his thoughts she brushed her lips tenderly over his eyes as if to take the horrible images away.

_**He drowns in his dreams**_**  
**_**An exquisite extreme, I know**_**  
**_**He's as damned as he seems**_**  
**_**And more heaven than a heart could hold**_

Ginny wanted to run away with Draco, wanted to run far away from the carnage, but she had duties and responsibilities that she couldn't ignore. She didn't want her brothers death to be in vain, she had to avenge her brother and win the war, she had to help in any way she could. How easy it would be to just vanish with this blonde angel, but the easy way is hardly ever the right way.

She nestled her head where his shoulder and neck connected, nibbling at the soft skin. She felt his shudder and strong arms closing around her, drawing her closer.

No matter how close he pulled her it wouldn't be enough, she would never be his as long as the war waged on in the wizarding world and in his own mind.

She had been the only one to believe he had killed his own father; there were no witnesses, no way of telling who had stabbed him. When Ginny had brought him shaking and lost to the Order, they had rejected him, saying he was nothing but the son of a Deatheater and most likely a spy. No matter how hard Ginny fought, it seemed old school rivalry won. Harry had threatened to kill him if he ever saw Draco again. Reluctantly, he had gone into hiding, with Ginny as his secret keeper.

_**And if I tried to save him**_**  
**_**My whole world would cave in**_**  
**_**It just ain't right **_**  
**_**Lord it just ain't right**_

Running his hands through her silken hair, the horrors came again, flashing through his mind, like nightmares without sleep.

_He was standing in a stone room, the stench of sweat and urine was almost unbearable and the huddled forms of once proud freedom fighters littered the ground, chains clinking and straw making a sh-sh sound as some shifted, trying to ease their pain. _

_Draco continued pacing and twirling his wand, guard work was always tediously boring. Nothing ever changed. Sure, occasionally you might find someone had died over the night, their stiff, and skeleton like bodies attracting flies and producing a stench fouler than the others. _

_But today was different; his father had come at last to help with the final touches on the plan. Tomorrow they would attack the ministry. But Draco had his own plans; tonight he would kill his father. Murder was not something he was proud of, but it had to be done and only Draco could do it because he was the only one his father fully trusted._

_Snape came and took over the next shift letting Draco go and prepare for his dishonorable deed. His father had become more and more drunk with the idea of winning the war and therefore more and more ruthless and also careless. The plan for the attack was sloppy and disorganized and would fail. He had to stop the bloodshed of innocents before it started._

_His room was dark but comfortable, it only had one candle burning in a dank corner, and the lack of a fireplace caused his room to always have a chill in the air. Draco didn't mind though, he was used to the cold dungeons of Hogwarts and his home, having been punished by his father many times. _

_He changed his boots from the ruddy brown ones to sleek black, his shirt changed from dirty white linen to black cotton. He changed his muddy pants and pulled on a leather jacket after he clipped his long sword to his belt. The sword was more formality than for use, but tonight was the exception. He had sharpened the blade instead of keeping it safely dull and polished the hilt until it shone._

_His father was alone in his tower room, as usual, drinking red wine from a silver goblet. The wine would be the death of him. They conversed for some time about the plan until his father was thoroughly drunk._

"_What do you plan to do with the Weasely boy?" Draco asked masking his concern with mild interest. They had caught the boy trying to free the other prisoners and had put him into solitary confinement without food for about a week now. Ginny had been sick with worry and wouldn't eat or sleep. _

"_Try to get information then kill him." His father slurred as he took a large swallow of the strong drink. "Maybe ransom him, isn't he Potters friend?" Draco remembered his Hogwart days and how this redhead was Potters constant companion and Draco's sworn enemy, but he wouldn't even wish this fate even on him. _

"_Yes he was, but not so much anymore." He lied. He didn't know what good it would do to lie, either way Weasely was dead and Ginny would blame him, it was almost too much to bare and made his next task that much easier._

"_More wine, father? There is still much to discuss." Lucius burped and held his goblet out unsteadily. Draco filled it. _

_Later, as Draco was wiping the blood off his blade with his father's robe he wondered for the thousandth time if he did the right thing, if this was indeed the only way. He knew it was, but couldn't help to wonder. He sheathed his sword stood shakily and walked away from the crime._

Cold sweat covered his naked chest and Ginny was whispering soothingly into his ear. She knew his day terrors were getting worse, he felt guilty for her brother's death, for his fathers and everyone else's that was caused by the Deatheaters. Tears were running down his stressed face and running down her arm she was using to cushion his head, making little damp spots on the pillow. She kissed the trail it left on his pale complexion and brushed his hair away.

"My father…so much blood…how can there be so much blood in one person…your brother…dead…my fault…hurry…dead…Ron…dead…" He said each word between sobs of grief. Ginny's tears now joined his on the pillow, he always said the same thing when the attacks came, and they always had the same effect on them both.

A spasm of pain wracked his body for a moment then he was still. He blinked and looked at Ginny, his fire goddess, the only one who he had ever loved, and started to laughed. Hysterics took him and he laughed as tears of sadness cascaded like a waterfall. He brought his hands to his face and laughed and cried into them while Ginny pulled him into her lap and caressed his soft skin.

She kissed his neck, his chest, his stomach, his shoulder, his back and his lips finally silencing him and he drove his tongue hungrily into her mouth, searching for redemption.

_**And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Lord would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster?**_

They stayed in bed all day, crying, talking and making love. She didn't know how he made it through the days she could not come, how he dealt with the images of war and torture without her to soothe him. But he did.

Someday she would run away with him, somewhere far away so Draco could live in peace and she could be with him every moment. But she knew that wouldn't come for a long time.

When she did come to Draco, she would try and heal him, she would use magic to delve into his mind and try to rid him of the memories that diseased his mind. But they were too strongly imbedded in his psyche and if she tried to remove them she could kill him or damage his brain beyond repair.

There was only once thing that she knew of that would cure him, but that required them to return to the prison where he killed his father and Draco refused, saying that would kill him.

_**He's magic and myth  
He's strong as what I believe  
My tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see  
But do I try to change him?**_

As she fell asleep nestled in Draco's arms, she dreamed of Ron again. It was the same dream she had every night, they were sitting at the kitchen in the Burrow drinking cocoa and talking about something insignificant. They laughed over something and he punched her playfully in the arm and she pushed him. Then the door leading outside burst open and a tall figure shrouded in black glided in yelling the only word she could understand in the whole dream.

Crucio!

Ron fell to the ground writhing and screaming, Ginny's screams mingled with his and tears clouded her eyes. The figure laughed maniacally as the hood fell away to reveal Lucius Malfoy.

Ron looked up at Ginny and said something she couldn't understand which made her cry harder and reach for him. Then he went still, her brother was dead.

She looked up into the face of his killer only to reel back in shock and horror as she looked upon the face of her lover.

He was also horrified and whispered words of apologies that fell upon deaf ears. He reached for her but she flinched away.

She awoke to see the face of the man she must not blame for his fathers crimes. She snuggled closer as if to hide from the images and fell back asleep.

So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight  
Baby hold me tight

The war was over, the Order had barely won and Draco was still hiding. Not only from the ministry, but from the past. When he smiled it was either filled with remorse or insanity, except when directed at her.

Ginny's time now was devoted to only two things, Draco and finding him a cure. She had heard that some Muggles used things call pills to heal the scars of war, but Draco refused to do anything Muggle so she was forced to try and find a magical cure.

She used every healer's trick she knew and even tried the myths of the healing world, but nothing rid Draco of the day and night terrors. Secretly she knew one could not erase a single memory, it was all or nothing and that meant he would forget her.

So she tried and failed and tried again knowing it was a lost cause.

_**I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm searchin' for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long,  
I've waited so long**_

They made love for the third time in one morning. As they lay there talking, her hand involuntarily twirls his hair, traces the lines of his face and down his smooth chest.

"Run away with me."

"I can't, not until you're better."

"But you can make me better where ever we go, here is just a place of broken dreams and nightmares. We could go to Southern France or Spain, maybe even the States or Australia. We would sail the seas and soar in the clouds, climb mountains and swim in oceans. Run away with me, Ginny."

She looked sadly into his eyes and cupped his cheek.

"Someday, my love. Someday soon."

_**He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take**_

She had found it, the cure. It had take years of research and more failed attempts than she cared to count, but she had found it.

She brewed the potion and carefully carried it to the room Draco resided in. It was bright and cheery, with a fire cracking merrily in the hearth and many candles lining the walls. Ever since he got away from the war, he always liked the light and things to be warm and bright, the opposite of how he used to like it. He was standing by the window looking out onto the starry moonless night. When he heard the door close he spoke,

"Is that it?" He turned and gestured to the cup. She nodded and gave a genuine smile that put the sparkle back in her eyes, the sparkle that had been lost for so long.

"It'll hurt, but not as much as those memories. Drink the whole thing, and drink it fast." He took the cup and drained the contents dropping the cup with a clatter as the burning sensation became almost unbearable.

Ginny ran over to support him lest he fall. He leaned his weight into her and let her hold him.

His head pounded as images swarmed his minds eye, as each horrible one formed it disappeared, wiped from his memories forever. The only thing of the war he would remember was Ginny and some simple facts. He killed his father, he was rejected and sent into hiding by the Order and other small and crucial details. But no longer did he see his fathers bloody broken body, or Ron's inanimate form eaten by malnutrition and starvation or the torture chambers where old school mates died.

Finally it was over. He was free from the terrors and the guilt. Free to love his goddess and free to be free. He looked up into the teary eyes of his love, smiled and whooped with joy gathering her in his arms and spinning her until they collapsed on the bed and let passion and happiness consume them.

"Run away with me."

"I will."

"Marry me."

"Forever."

_**He's beautiful  
Lord, he's so beautiful  
He's beautiful**_


End file.
